in article pagemail-C8C15E.14565313022007@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
Crowfoot at
pagemail@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote on 2/13/07 1:56 PM:
> How do you think the tantrum can be handled "right"?
There is basically just one black and white way to get the tempertantrum
right.
There are about 1 million colorfull ways to get the tempertantrum wrong.
IMO ... big time on this.
Sooooooo ....
Here is Tommy Tempertantrum.
He wakes up, having a bad day, hormones raging, headache happening,
growing
spurting blooming ... having a necessary tempertantrum that is im****tant
to
have.
Mom comes in to get Tommy in cloths ... asks if he wants to go swimming
with
Dad and brother at noon.
"NO" ... I hate you guys, leave me alone.
Well mom is cool, no judgement, no expectations, no shame, no criticism
...
just that the oatmeal for breakfast is on the way ... please get up and
come
to breakfast. The fight is over for this mom right away ... she has
already
won the war.
She calls up a babysiter ... when noon time comes along ... Tommy is still
upset ... he wants to go swimming now. He is being left out - oh how
horrible life is to him.
Tommy is told that he is well taken care of by mom, he did not want to go
swimming this morning when invited, now go take the afternoon off ... this
is a tempertantrum you are having. Its a bad day right now ... we are
going swimming ... there is a dinner invitation ... please accept that
party
time this evening with us if you would.
So Tommy gets his way ... the parent objects are doing everything right
...
Tommy is furious ... all upset he did not get his parents to roll and do
his
way or the highway. He in time realizes this is a self inflicted wound.
That his parents are cool, wonderfull, conscious, and boy does he admire
them for being so considerate. That comes in time ... in treating the
child
with what I would call utmost care.
With fighting with the child, abusing the tempertantrum, doing
triangulation
where wife has to get husband to tell son the baby sitter is there to take
good care of them ... etc .. .it is all here.
What ever tempertantrum game you can see or think of ... DONT SEE ME ...
DONT TALK TO ME ... GO AWAY. It is endless and colorfull what parents can
do to a child in their growing ... and having a tempertantrum .. that is
all
about spiritual growth and growing up ... emotionally maturing.
Taking the pain of the tempertantrum and putting love in to it ... mom and
dad putting that love into the pain ... the hurt ... with all that
consciousness. Refusing to live in fear, doing the work of living in
love.
Child gets it imprinted thusly .. with their bonding in the defense
structure .. all GIGO. Good in ... Good out. Garbage in ... Garbage out.
How a person clears out the PTSD issues in the tempertantrum that is
frozen
emotion ... is melting it ... and letting the hurt, the pain out of the
body
... the muscle memory. The freeze response of sympathic nervous system
dominance. Hot yoga, traditional accupuncture, massage, ice, streatching,
changing the emotional bathwater from fear to love.
All the stuff you did not get as a child ... you have to get yourself or
mirrored to you from friends who love you.
Best I can do to address that question about tempertantrums and how to
best
serve them with love, consciousness and understanding. Not play their
games
of time and treasure, *** games, property games ... all the pouting things
little boys and girls do when they grow up and are stuck in their
tempertantrum ... honking horns, speeding, sticking **** you fingers in
the
air ... it goes on and on ... don't it. They really hate their moms and
their dads inside. Their moms and dads did not handle their tempertantrum
right. They were immature them selves ... stuck in a tempertantrum.
And so it goes ...
until some one changes ... and it goes better.
and so it goes better then ... and not goes worse.
creating their fears into their futures .. they are now creating their
loves
into their futures.
much better to my reckoning.
all my best ... always.
Alan
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