'Tom Cruise hires bodyguards to fend off evil galactic ruler'
Film star Tom Cruise has hired extra bodyguards to protect him from an
ancient galactic tyrant, Hollywood sources revealed yesterday.
Cruise is a member of the Church of Scientology, which teaches its
followers that, millions of years ago, an evil interstellar ruler called
Xenu brought trillions of people to earth and blew them up in volcanoes to
solve galactic overcrowding. After this incident, known to scientologists
as the "Wall of Fire", Xenu himself was captured and taken to an
undisclosed planet where scientologists believe he is still imprisoned
today. The souls of the people he killed linger on and infect all people
living now, except scientologists like Tom Cruise who know how to expel
them, thus thwarting Xenu's evil plans.
Tom's fear of a Xenu attack is said to have arisen after hearing the song,
'Message from Xenu', by UK band, The Truth Rockets, which describes how
Xenu has escaped from his prison and is on his way to Hollywood in a DC8
to
get Tom and his wife, who is also a scientologist. As the most prominent
proponent of Scientology, Tom believes that an escaped Xenu would likely
come after him personally, possibly using psychiatrists to drug and
capture
him.
"Ok, maybe it's just a song ... " Tom is re****ted to have said, "... but
you don't know what I do about psychiatry! If you did you'd know
everything's possible. I can't afford to take chances."
The Truth Rockets' song, 'Message from Xenu' can be heard at:
http://www.thetruthrockets.net/downlds.htm
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