agsf_57@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
wrote:
> Winter Arcane wrote:
>> <agsf_57@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message
>> news:1103701444.506961.203750@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>>
>>> Tiny Human Ferret wrote:
>>>> This is bogus, and probably goes against all of evolution. But you
>>>> knew that!
>>>
>>> Actually, I would think that if the man is unable to function
>>> because his needs are not met, then the whole family suffers? The
>>> thread died down anyway.
>>
>> Any parent that would put their needs ahead of those of the children
>> is probably a liability rather than a benefit to the family. I love
>> my wife intensely, but as far as I'm concerned if it comes down to
>> her or the
>
>> children...she's expendable.
>
> I came across this article from the Feb 15 2005 issue of "Family
> Circle" (don't ask why I was reading that magazine). The article,
> titled "The two of you: 9 secrets of a great marriage" states:
>
> "1. Put Your Spouse First: ...putting each other first is actually one
> of the greatest gifts you can give a child. When spouses focus on
> parenting at the expense of their marriage, their adult emotional
> needs often go unmet, and they run the risk of imposing these needs
> on their kids. When they do, children can end up feeling responsible
> for making their parents happy and blame themselves when they fail.
> When spouses don't give their relation****p priority, not only does
> their marriage suffer, but their children suffer as well."
>
> Regards...
The original poster just said needs, not emotional needs. If someone has
to
go hungry, it's going to be me and my wife, not the kids. Having spent
some
time homeless and broke due to being screwed by a propective landlord when
we put everything we had into moving across two states, this has been an
issue my own family has had to face and I can assure you that there was no
discord as my wife and I aren't whiny, selfish people who can't make a few
sacrifices for our children.
What people call emotional needs are actually, for the most part, wants.
That's a whole different barrel of fish. I wouldn't know about that
because
it's not terribly hard to provide for the emotional wants of both my wife
and my children...but then again, maybe I just have more emotional
resources
than most people...I don't understand how the serious emotional wants of a
parent and the serious emotional wants of a child can be at odds. I do
think that what a parent wants takes precedence over what a child
wants...that's just a privelege of rank, so to speak...if you sacrifice
your
spouse's wants for your child's wants, then you're probably spoiling the
children.
As an aside, just to give an idea of the position I'm speaking from, I've
been happily married with two awesome children for seven years and have a
relation****p with my wife that's just as passionate and loving as it was
in
the beginning. It's going to take an awful lot to convince me that my
"it's
a parents responsibility to put their children's (actual) needs before
their
own (actual) needs" philosophy is somehow bad for my children...or even my
relation****p for that matter. Maybe people need to start having higher
standards in the people they breed with.
--
Winter Arcane (aka Vanuslux) - winterarcane@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
of Tribe Arcane - http://tribearcane.aaapowerhost.com/
Writer of Roth & Earl - http://www.rothandearl.com/
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