> Hmm, that's hard to say. Some of it was the coven politics. The
> strictness of ritual too I think. I'm not a formal kind of person. It
> could have been the specific flavor of Wicca that I'd been
> indoctrinated into, the coven was Gardenarian.
I think this is why one sees loads of people calling themselve eclectic
Wiccans. When one looks at Gardenarian Wicca with a critical eye, one
really has to think that Gerald Gardner put a lot of himself and his own
kinks (if you will) into the tradition. On the face of it, his flavour of
Wicca contains ****ity, bondage and ritual flagellation. Ok, so if that
works for you, then great! In many ways I can see why such practices
would
be useful but on the other hand, I can also see how such practices would
put
a lot of people off. Why must one subject him/herself to physical abuse
in
order to wor****p the Goddess?
If one looks at the history of Paganism in general, one probably would
find
that ancient traditions involved these practices, perhaps worse! It's no
secret that blood sacrifices were common amongst Pagans in the days of
yore.
I figured Gardner to some degree was bringing in historical practices but
also his own perversions as well.
But the point I'm trying to get to here is that when Gardner came out with
his books and introduced Wicca what he was doing was evolving witchcraft
and
Paganism for the modern age. My personal feeling is that that evolution
should not start and stop at Gardner. Obviously others feel the same way
given Alexandrian Wicca and Seax Wicca both hived off of Gardnerian Wicca.
From what little I know I quite like elements of both the Alexandrian and
Seax traditions and believe they are worth exploring. Further traditions
have hived off of these other traditions, perhaps all 3 and incor****ating
elements of all of them. Hence it all becomes a lot more eclectic.
Going back to eclectic Wiccans, I think you will also find that for every
coven that's out there, there are hundreds and hundreds of solitaries.
Groups are terrific, but even someone in a coven will practice on their
own
outside of the coven atmosphere. So there's an element of solitary-ness
there as well. Having a coven is wonderful, but no matter what, one still
will be somewhat solitary. It's really something we all have to deal
with.
Either we're really comfortable being on our own and don't want to involve
others or we struggle with it.
I think what will be im****tant for you and your path is to allow yourself
to
begin seeking again; not necessarily seeking a new religion and making a
radical switch and becoming a Buddhist or something, but break it back
down
to the basics for yourself and think about what speaks to you, what feels
right and go from there. There are tons of Wiccan traditions out there
and
the reason why is because people tend to make up their own. So why not
make
yours? De-formalise your rituals. Lose the strictness. Allow yourself
that comfort. Maybe re-reading Living Wicca by Scott Cunningham will help
because certainly in that book, he encourages one to make their own
tradition.
I've rambled a lot here. Hopefully it makes sense and speaks to you,
dear.
I spent many many years being a non-practising Pagan so I remember what it
was like. Hope you are able to find your path again.
Hugs,
L
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