Brooks Moses wrote:
> umar wrote:
>>songbird writes:
>>> what do you mean by, "cost of my soul?"
>>
>> That would mean trying to be someone, or pretending to be someone,
>> other than who I am.
ok, next time you find yourself asking yourself to pretend that can be
something you can try to talk about (with her or with others).
>> But who am I?
>
> One of the things that I have noticed, in relation****ps, is that they
> all change who I am. And that the good ones are the ones that change
> who I am in ways that I appreciate.
>
> That's not so much an answer, though.
one way of learning who you are is by being involved with others
in ways that help you find the boundaries of your integrity.
i like the answer Brooks, because it points to something essential
to happiness with a partner longer term for me too, i have to like
who i am with the other person. i have to like the answer to life that
i am with them together. i know i am in trouble when i start acting
in ways i dislike around a partner or if i'm no longer living up to my
own expectations about my own behavior. i can compromise on
some things and be happy. other things i can try to compromise on
and find out that i don't like it at all. it helps to know those things
beforehand so you can say "these things have been tried and they
don't work for me when i try to bend them. we can even try again
but be wary of these things because ..." etc.
songbird
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