(aioe.org is messing with my head. Sorry if this posts multiple
times. I wanna new NNTP server, one that won't make me ill...)
Hi y'all.
Just updating about this. A few weeks ago (early April) Aura and
I had a really bad patch. It was triggered when she made some
sweet remark that I heard as containing a strong component
of possessiveness, and I did not immediately respond in kind.
This has happened before, and we've always patched things up,
but we never really addressed the underlying issue, which is:
I am not comfortable with promising monogamy, or with her
assuming that as the status of our relation****p.
After a week of very sparse contact, during which I was feeling
very sad and knew she was too, we had a serious discussion in
which I explained that while I love her very much, I am not ready
for an exclusive relation****p, and might never be; and any
scenario in which I try to pretend I *am* is like to end badly.
I had to be prepared, myself, for the possibility that she might
not want to be involved with me under such conditions; and I
believe I *was* so prepared. (That is a new thing for me; in
the past I've rarely asserted myself in relation****ps, because
I feared rejection. It felt good to do so.) After some reflection,
Aura admitted that *she* isn't very good at monogamy herself,
because, in her words, "I've never been able to turn down
an op****tunity to have a positive connection with someone;
and at some point I came to regard that as a right." So
it seems that we are, at least in theory, in very similar
places. Whether we'll remember that in the event that
either of us becomes interested in another person -- which
isn't immanent for either of us, I don't believe, but one
never knows what the future will hold -- is an interesting
question. However, we seem to have established a base level of
honest communication, even about potentially painful stuff, so
I am hopeful.
Thanks for listening,
-- JK
--
I do not particularly want to go where the money is -
it usually does not smell nice there. -- A. Stepanov
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