Re: Communication about communication about communication [was: Should I stay or should I go?

Aqua <aqua@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> writes:
> John Palmer wrote:

> > Okay. Check me on this.
> > A says something to C.
> 
> I think the nature of what A is saying is im****tant here.  A is
> telling C that some aspect of C's behaviour is unacceptable.

Oh, yeah! I was trying to think of how to say "hey, the context is and
was im****tant". Thanks.
[...] 

> > I say "I think, however, that it feels very different to C if what is
> > said is a personal insult".
> 
> See, I don't think I agree, given what (to my eyes) was already on the
> board: C is being told zir behaviour isn't up to scratch, and A is
> expressing it in a forceful and pungent manner that may attract
> approval from others who agree the behavior isn't up to scratch.
> 
> I think C is going to feel insulted by almost any wording that amounts
> to "You screwed up big time" from someone C isn't in a close
> relation****p with, or who otherwise has C's permission to tell C about
> lapses in behaviour.
> 
> > Same reaction ("marry me") can create different feelings depending on
> > the contents of what A said to C. That has nothing to do with
> > avoiding personal insults. It has solely
> > to do with the reaction. In short: Although the reaction might have
> > been the same, I understand how it might feel very different to Lane.
> > Aahz didn't say anything about avoiding personal insults. Neither did
> > I. I merely pointed out that I could see a difference in feeling in
> > the cir***stances described.
> > It's relevant to the conversation; Lane complained about something,
> > and I mentioned that I see a way that his feelings might change under
> > changing cir***stances.
> 
> And I felt you were trying to evade something about the nature of A's
> communication to C, and the high probability C's feelings were going
> to be hurt no matter the wording.

I saw a focus on the idea of "an insult" come to outweigh the actual
content of what I said, which is I think what you're getting at. 

-- 
What use was it having all that money if you could never sit still 
        or just watch your cattle eating grass? 
- Alexander McCall Smith, _The No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency_