Re: Pesky Gender, another rant [was: First posting...

In article <5uvt24dsro5s0h8aimqa3g3iv8hkvv7nb6@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
Kai Jones  <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>On Fri, 16 May 2008 16:34:20 +0000 (UTC), piglet@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
 (Blunt and
>Opaque) wrote:
>
>>Kai Jones <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, in article
><6d8r24hcpapje3napat4d3hc4u9j87affi@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, dixit:
>>>When I think about the word "nice," I feel like I'm being told to
>>>smile whether I want to or not.  Nice takes a lot of effort, and
>>>mostly benefits other people (not me); I need my energy for my own
>>>healing.  If people perceive me as nice (in a good way), I'm glad, but
>>>it's an unintended consequence of behaving in the ways I think are
>>>valuable and right.  
>>
>>I think that's a definition of 'nice' that's easy to come by when you
>>most encounter that word in the form of the admonition "be nice!'
>>Which means, stifle your rage, paste on a fake smile, and make nice
>>for the sake of community harmony.
>
>Exactly!  When "she's so nice" is shorthand for "she's so caring and
>kind, I enjoy her company," it's a great thing to say about a person.
>
>But when people tell me "You're not nice" they mean that I'm not doing
>what they want.  

Here's where I am going with this "nice" discussion.

This may be strictly idiosyncratic to me, but I'm thinking about
"feminine" behavior and dress. I got a lot of pressure to be differently
feminine when I was young, and as a result I came to hate some feminine
behaviors and clothing styles. It took me a long time to get that some
people actually *enjoy* wearing the types of clothing and doing the
types of behavior that I was pressured by and therefore hate -- and they
do it not to conform but because it feels good to them.

--
Stef  **  stef@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
 **
    ** cat-and-dragon.com/stef ** firecat.livejournal.com **
  **
"I never really dwell on myself too much in terms of what I've *done*.
For one thing, so much of it went by in such a flash..." -- Bob Dylan
quoted in Mikal Gilmore, _Night Beat: A Shadow History of Rock & Roll_