Re: Pesky Gender, another rant [was: First posting...

Vicki Rosenzweig wrote:
> Quoth bright uruloki <brighturuloki@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> on Sat, 17 May 2008
> 11:03:24 +1000:
> 
>> Aqua wrote:
>>> ElissaAnn wrote:
>>>> "Stef" <stef@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote in message 
>>>> news:g0k6h0$gqc$1@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>>>>> In article <srdp241kh889frp5dri0h6lcn01et72pnv@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
>>>>> Kai Jones  <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>> [snip]
>>>>
>>>>>> Nice is pushy.  That nasty neighbor rudely suggesting that your
kid's
>>>>>> hair is too long and offering to cut it for you huffs "I was only
>>>>>> trying to be nice!" if you tell them you like your little boy with
a
>>>>>> braid down his back.
>>>>> I don't think that it's nice to criticize someone else's appearance
>>>>> unless they asked for an honest opinion.
>>>>>
>>>>> And although this is not about niceness per se, it's about
etiquette, I
>>>>> think a "neighbor" relation****p is not one in which it is
appropriate to
>>>>> make an unsolicited offer to cut someone's hair.
>>>> I was thinking that someone who actually IS nice (in the meaning of 
>>>> nice that I use) is not likely to huff, "I was only trying to be 
>>>> nice!"  It reminds me a little of people who brag about how humble 
>>>> they are.
>>> And the people who make grand pronouncements about how much they hate 
>>> the drama that always seems to be around them.
>> Heh. I am one of those people, as I consider myself allergic to drama.
>>
>> That's mostly because I'm dramatic enough for any 10 people, and I
don't 
>> need extra drama from others. I don't splash my drama around, though; 
>> that would be rude. I keep it sharply confined, and apologise
profusely.
> 
> It sounds as though you may be using a slightly different definition 
> of drama: if it's purely internal and you make efforts not to let
> other people know about it, much less be affected by it, that's
> in a different category, I think, than either wanting help or
> attention (not the same thing, necessarily, but both involving
> other people) or drama that is significantly about interactions
> with other people.
> 
> My medical stuff is a significant part of what I'm thinking about
> right now. It doesn't generate the sort of drama that causes
> conflict among my friends, lovers, or coworkers. (I suppose someone
> could use the occasion of a gall bladder removal to do so, but it
> isn't inherent in the event itself. A certain amount of worry, but
> not rivalry or anger.)

Hmm. My emotional life is up-and-down a lot, I overreact to nearly 
anything (negative and positive), and I generally give anything that I 
do my all. I try to kind of avoid spla****ng it around, but my primary 
partner gets caught in the crossfire fairly frequently, which is 
unfortunate. I am working on the anxiety which underlies this, of 
course, because living like this is flat-out exhausting (and also 
symptomatic of underlying problems, which in and of themselves are 
challenging).

I have ... acquaintances, who are similar, but who either actively 
impose or fail to limit the splash damage of their emotional state 
indiscriminately, on everyone and everything in their environment. Also, 
these people don't think of that as a bad thing, or necessarily even 
notice that it's happening, or actively deny that they do any such thing.

Is the difference one of self-awareness and purpose, perhaps?

-- 
bright uruloki