On Jul 22, 3:25=A0pm, s...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Stef) wrote:
> In article <sibc84h64a6a6iq8u2eoudnc5e1r4g6...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
> Kai Jones =A0<sni...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> >On 22 Jul 2008 10:29:37 -0700, a...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Aahz Maruch) published
> >this:
>
> >>In article <5b4c84ta7o6ap0p15k66872ontb1umo...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
> >>Kai Jones =A0<sni...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> >>>On Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:56:16 -0700, Michael Rosen
> >>><michaelro...@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> published this:
>
> >>>>That whole "cheating is tolerable, but polyamory is wrong" mentality
> >>>>weirds me out, too. =A0It seems to me that some people have a huge
> >>>>emotional investment in the exact configuration of their intimate
> >>>>relation****ps, but none at all in their own moral integrity. =A0It's
=
as if
> >>>>they really expect the sacrament to redeem them.
>
> >>>Do you genuinely not understand their point of view?
>
> >>That depends what you mean by "understand". =A0Intellectually, I can
so=
rta
> >>see it, but in the end, I come back to what Michael is saying about
the
> >>im****tance of appearances versus moral integrity.
>
> >It's really hard for me to believe that you don't have ideals you
> >aspire to but don't meet, because that's what the cheating monogamists
> >are doing, and I do it to, just not on the same subject. =A0I mean, I
> >want to be a better person than I am, and I think being, for example,
> >honest and trustworthy, dependable and timely, generous and kind are
> >all good things; and yet I don't always achieve those things. =A0Does
> >that make me not a person who is striving for them?
>
> I agree that a person can genuinely believe in monogamy and occasionally
> fall off the wagon. To me that would be similar to wanting to be honest
> but sometimes failing to live up to that. But IMO that's fundamentally
> different from claiming to believe in monogamy and then engaging in
> long-term or repeated cheating. I think people who do that often justify
> their behavior in other ways, or have less discomfort around moral
> inconsistency than I think you do.
I also think there is a danger of going to far with the whole "I
strived but fell short" concept as one can start to delude oneself
into believing one simply fell short while actually making a concious
choice to fail. In other words, one can forgive oneself too easily
which makes it much harder to maintain the required discipline.
I am not referring to anyone in particular (and certainly not Kai),
but I do see this pattern in some of my own friends.
Lane
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