Aahz Maruch wrote:
> In article <sibc84h64a6a6iq8u2eoudnc5e1r4g6t6b@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
> Kai Jones <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>> On 22 Jul 2008 10:29:37 -0700, aahz@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Aahz Maruch) published
>> this:
>>> In article <5b4c84ta7o6ap0p15k66872ontb1umost4@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
>>> Kai Jones <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>>>> On Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:56:16 -0700, Michael Rosen
>>>> <michaelrosen@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> published this:
>>>>> That whole "cheating is tolerable, but polyamory is wrong" mentality
>>>>> weirds me out, too. It seems to me that some people have a huge
>>>>> emotional investment in the exact configuration of their intimate
>>>>> relation****ps, but none at all in their own moral integrity. It's
as if
>>>>> they really expect the sacrament to redeem them.
>>>> Do you genuinely not understand their point of view?
>>> That depends what you mean by "understand". Intellectually, I can
sorta
>>> see it, but in the end, I come back to what Michael is saying about
the
>>> im****tance of appearances versus moral integrity.
>> It's really hard for me to believe that you don't have ideals you
>> aspire to but don't meet, because that's what the cheating monogamists
>> are doing, and I do it to, just not on the same subject. I mean, I
>> want to be a better person than I am, and I think being, for example,
>> honest and trustworthy, dependable and timely, generous and kind are
>> all good things; and yet I don't always achieve those things. Does
>> that make me not a person who is striving for them?
>
> What Michael was specifically talking about is people who cheat and yet
> condemn polyamory. Not just for themselves, but other people.
Wow. Walk afk for a day, and watch what happens to the comment you
thought was just a me-too.
Aahz nailed it for me. It wasn't about having standards that one can't
always live up to; that describes most of humanity, I believe. It
certainly describes me. I do have experience with cheating, on both
sides; happily that experience is remote, and getting more so.
But when someone wants to cheat, believes you are cheating, is okay with
all that, then loses it because it turns out you're going to tell your
spouse *and your spouse will likely be just fine with it*, that's not
the same thing. "I'm ****ing around, but at least I pretend to be
monogamous" doesn't wash.
> moral integrity just isn't that im****tant to
> the cheaters if they can't see the moral integrity in polyamory.
That one reaches a bit, for me. I don't mind that such people are not
seeing the moral integrity in polyamory. It squicks me that they do not
appear to see, or care about, the moral disintegrity in themselves.
--
Michael Rosen
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