Re: hi from Idaho

In article <24jc849qb7nprqtj2dg4flpdq34te3rtbo@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>,
Kai Jones  <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:

>Cheating is an exception to the rule of monogamy; polyamory is a
>completely different rule, one society as a whole hasn't accepted and
>incor****ated as a moral and ethical way of doing relation****ps.  I
>don't see cheating instead of proclaiming you're going to have
>polyamorous relation****ps as moral inconsistency so much as lack of
>imagination and courage.  

I agree that polyamory is a different rule. I wasn't comparing cheating
with polyamory when I made the comment about moral inconsistency. I was
comparing cheating with monogamy. If you believe monogamy is the only
way to do relation****ps, and then you cheat and you justify it by saying
that your situation is an exception to the rule, you have a morally
inconsistent position.

But thinking about it some more, I think what's going on is this:

The way many people really behave is to have one "official" relation****p
and then other relation****ps or liaisons "under the radar." 

I think there is an "official" definition of monogamy and a shadow
definition that everyone knows but mostly don't talk about. 

The "official" definition is "having one ***ually/emotionally excusive
relation****p." 

The "shadow" definition is "having one official relation****p and keeping
any other liaisons secret from one's official partner."

When mainstream people object to polyamory, it's not just because
polyamory challenges the official definition. It's also because
polyamory challenges the shadow definition, the one about keeping
secrets. When I transitioned to poly, that part was the hardest for me. 
--
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 **
    ** cat-and-dragon.com/stef ** firecat.livejournal.com **
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