Re: hi from Idaho

Stef <stef@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:

> I think what's going on is this:

> The way many people really behave is to have one "official"
> relation****p and then other relation****ps or liaisons "under
> the radar."

> I think there is an "official" definition of monogamy and
> a shadow definition that everyone knows but mostly don't
> talk about.

> The "official" definition is "having one ***ually/emotionally
> excusive relation****p."

> The "shadow" definition is "having one official relation****p
> and keeping any other liaisons secret from one's official
> partner."

> When mainstream people object to polyamory, it's not just because
> polyamory challenges the official definition. It's also because
> polyamory challenges the shadow definition, the one about keeping
> secrets. 

And there is yet a third level of definition, the shadow-shadow 
definition, that goes "having one official relation****p,
having an arrangement with that partner that permits 
of outside relations, but disclosing to very few others 
that this arrangement exists -- possibly even including dissing 
polyamory should the topic come up."

Steve