Re: hi from Idaho

Stef wrote:
> 
> The way many people really behave is to have one "official" relation****p
> and then other relation****ps or liaisons "under the radar." 
> 
> I think there is an "official" definition of monogamy and a shadow
> definition that everyone knows but mostly don't talk about. 
> 
> The "official" definition is "having one ***ually/emotionally excusive
> relation****p." 
> 
> The "shadow" definition is "having one official relation****p and keeping
> any other liaisons secret from one's official partner."
> 
> When mainstream people object to polyamory, it's not just because
> polyamory challenges the official definition. It's also because
> polyamory challenges the shadow definition, the one about keeping
> secrets. When I transitioned to poly, that part was the hardest for me.

What I also see a lot of is "monogamy is the ideal, but real people 
can't necessarily live up to that".  Open polyamory rather than cheating 
is then disgusting and offensive in the same way that, say, publically 
defecating is.  "People do it, but in private, and let's pretend it 
doesn't happen".

Aqua