On Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:58:30 +0000 (UTC), piglet@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
(Blunt and
Opaque) wrote:
>John Palmer <jpalmer1@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, in article
<li4g84la60psskbfijk7r9qv4jea0he5k8@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>, dixit:
>>On Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:04:18 -0700, Kai Jones <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
>
>>wrote:
>>>It's really hard for me to believe that you don't have ideals you
>>>aspire to but don't meet, because that's what the cheating monogamists
>>>are doing, and I do it to, just not on the same subject. I mean, I
>>>want to be a better person than I am, and I think being, for example,
>>>honest and trustworthy, dependable and timely, generous and kind are
>>>all good things; and yet I don't always achieve those things. Does
>>>that make me not a person who is striving for them?
>
>>>As far as excusing their own missteps, that's just a human thing.
>>>Doesn't mean they don't still believe the ideal is worthy.
>
>>No, but it would lead me to believe that they merely profess to
>>believe that the ideal is worthy, or that their belief isn't all that
>>strong/meaningful.
>
>>This doesn't mean I'd be correct in that belief, but I'm not sure that
>>being correct would matter to me. "Oh, s/he really, really believes in
>>(not) doing X, but she probably can't be trusted to (not) do X" means
>>that only the second clause is really relevant to my interactions with
>>that person.
>
>I expect everyone to be fallible. I don't trust *anyone* to do or not
>do as they profess. More often than not, I've found (in my own
>behavior as well as in observing others) that the things we care about
>most are also the things we're conflicted about, that we struggle
>with.
>
>The angel on one shoulder comes with a devil on the other shoulder.
Nod. But when you couple a profession of belief on one side, with
excuses for their behavior on the other, then I stop being willing to
grant them the benefit of the doubt about their belief, or its
strength.
Of course, whether or not anyone should care about what I believe
about their beliefs is up for debate... and that's all I'm talking
about above, is, what I'll believe given certain cir***stances.
Also, to me, there's a difference between an excuse made instantly, in
the moment, and an excuse made in the fullness of time. Being
surprised, and covering up an embarrassing lapse is different from
intentional excuse making. And, of course, I differentiate between
excuses ("well, because s/he wasn't putting out, I *had* to get ***
somewhere!") and explanations ("well, yes, I cheated, but we weren't
having ***, and, damn it all, I was lonely and feeling deprived").
John Palmer
*Email should be directed to my first name, no space, my last name, at
newsguy, with a com extension.
--
Everything I needed to know in life I learned in Kindergarten. Like:
A pain one has chosen is easier to bear than one unchosen, and knowing
that one can leave makes the leaving less necessary
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