Re: hi from Idaho

Steve Pope <spope33@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
> Kai Jones  <snippy@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> wrote:
>
>><michaelrosen@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
> published this:
>
>>>That whole "cheating is tolerable, but polyamory is wrong" mentality
>>>weirds me out, too.  It seems to me that some people have a huge
>>>emotional investment in the exact configuration of their intimate
>>>relation****ps, but none at all in their own moral integrity.  It's as
if
>>>they really expect the sacrament to redeem them.
>
>>Do you genuinely not understand their point of view?
>
>
> There is no single point of view behind a preference for cheating,
> but from what I have seen the number one motivation comes down
> to a simple control issue.

This doesn't match my experience.  The most oft-cited reason given is 
that being open about it is "throwing it in their face" or that if 
you're going to sleep around you could at least have the decency to be 
discreet about it.  I think that what's at the core of that is a world 
view in which it is not possible to be okay with your partner sleeping 
with someone else -- that that would always be extremely hurtful and 
traumatic.  If you combine that with a mindset that either certain sorts 
of people are just predisposed to being unfaithful or can't help it or a 
mindset that sometimes stuff "just happens", then there's some sense to 
the idea that if it does happen it's preferable to keep it secret.

I don't personally agree with that set of premises, but if you start 
from that point it's fairly easy to see how to get to the conclusion, 
and none of it is about control per se.