1/22/06
I wrote the following about 13 years ago and posted it in a number of
different newsgroups. I posted it again about six years ago. I got mostly
people telling me I was crazy, Or I just had a dream. Most people were
nasty
but some were very interested because they had gone thru similar
experiences.
I now believe that the ones that were nasty to me were just scared.
Because inside they feared the possibility.
I am sorry this is so long, but so much has happened since 1989.
Posted on 3/23/92 and again on 7/14/2000.
In 1989 I was hit by a car. (I can't remember if I sensed this coming
at
the time).
After three operations and still being in severe pain and the loss of
my
business and then my family I could take no more. So I took an overdose of
drugs, enough to kill an elephant.
I was found on the sidewalk in San Francisco, by a Priest.
I was pronounced DOA (dead on arrival) at the San Francisco general
hospital. They said I was dead for almost two minutes.
I remember this like it was yesterday.
I was in total darkness. I could see nothing, like as if I had no eyes.
Just TOTAL black darkness.
I felt like I was standing in this darkness. I tried to touch my face,
but
it was not there, I reached down to touch my legs but I could feel no arms
or legs.
That was when I realized I was DEAD. I remembered what I had done to
myself.
That was why I could not feel my body. I was in this darkness with
nothing
but my thoughts for what seemed like forever.
I remember thinking about my entire life and that this would be a
HORRIBLE
death, to have nothing but your thoughts for eternity. A true hell.
Although. I was in no pain, I was not scared and I felt nothing but
total
calmness. (I now believe this darkness is what happens to someone in a
Coma)
Then all of a sudden I saw a light, a bright light. I felt myself
moving
up towards this bright light. As I was moving upward I could see down. I
saw
myself lying on a table and there were Doctors and nurses working on me.
I just kept rising up through the building thru the roof and into the
sky.
I heard a voice talking to me. He told me I had to go back because I
was
needed. I tried to ask why but no sound would come from my mouth. I could
only listen.
The next thing I knew I was looking down at a great storm on the earth
somewhere. Trees, homes, buildings and people were being destroyed. It was
so real and like nothing I had ever seen.
At that time the voice told me that soon there would be great storms
all
over the world. As I watched, the voice said there would be great
Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Floods, Volcanic Eruptions and Deadly Viruses.
As the voice talked I saw all of these things happening. My heart was
so
sore I could do nothing but cry. I could not stand Watching all this
destruction and death.
Then I started floating down to earth. I stood in the middle of a
street.
There were people dead and dying all around me. Some buildings were
destroyed but most just had windows broken.
I sensed these people all around me were dying of virus, thirst and
starvation. Many had their skin and hair falling off their bodies. The
voice
said there would be great famines, natural disasters and viruses that
would
wipe out a third of the life on earth.
And then finally a great war that would end life as we know it.
This world war will be caused by the great losses of life from the
wrath
of Mother Nature. Countries will fight over its fresh water and other
needed
human resources.
I could not stand to watch this. My heart was aching and I could not
stop
the rush of tears.
The last thing the voice said is that I was needed to help these people
repent. And therefore I could not kill myself. I am not a religious person
and could not imagine getting myself to repent, never mind getting others
to
repent. Then again as I know only too well, fear can make you do amazing
things.
The next thing I knew I was back in the total darkness again thinking
about all that I had just seen and been told.
When I awoke, I was in the hospital. I was very upset because I was
still
alive.
Could anyone out there tell me if they ever went thru anything like
this? And/or what you think about this?
-----------------------------------------------------------
1/22/06
It seems in the past 15 years nearly everything I experienced has been
coming true.
The Earthquakes, Floods, Tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, new deadly
viruses, etc.
In the past 20 years there are at least 10 new viruses. Most of which
are
from the upset and destruction of our ecosystems. (including space,
volcanoes. and, rain forests)
Temperatures are rising all over the planet, 4 times faster than
scientists predicted just 10 years ago. This is causing the poles to melt
at
an alarming rate.
Two thirds of the earths fresh water comes from the glaciers, Of which
are
melting into the salt water oceans. Our fresh water lakes and streams are
being polluted by Human activity and by acid rain. 90% of the large fish
are
already gone from our oceans. Animal species are mysteriously disappearing
all over the planet. As frogs disappear viruses will spread with a
vengeance. Over 70% of frog species are already gone. (This info from
Discover magazine)
Because of Global Warming from the Greenhouse effect, the Earths
tectonic
plates are expanding.
This is causing more earthquakes and tsunamis, and is causing extreme
pressure on the planets surface.
In return Volcanoes are starting to wake and erupt to release this
pressure.
Eventually the volcanic ash will block out the Sun and cool the planet.
Causing another Ice Age. As we know from scientific investigation of other
Ice Ages, this can happen almost over night.
It is inevitable and already too late to do anything about.
-----------------------------------------------------------
About Myself:
Since I was a child I have a sort of 6th since. I seem to know when
bad
things are going to happen, Unfortunately most of the time I don't know
what
is going to happen, only that it is going to be something bad.
My mom has told me that when she was younger it used to happen to her a
lot
too. She would know when someone was in trouble and she would call them to
find out what was wrong. Shocking them. she even did it to me a couple of
times.
I also have a niece that sees dead people (no movie pun intended)
including
relatives that she was to young to know. And she also goes through severe
anxiety attacks that she has to take medication for. As do I.
If you ask or search around on the internet, you will find that more and
more people are sensing something is wrong. Whether it be from listening
to
the news, daydreams, anxiety attacks, nightmares or just plane feelings.
As for myself I take medications for extreme anxiety (that is what the
Doctors call it) and to keep me from dreaming. Because I have the same
nightmares over and over. And they are always about disasters that seem to
come true. Especially if I have the same dream three or more nights in a
row.
I can tell you many things that have happened to me thru out my life,
that
would knock your socks off. Thru my 53 years, I should have died at
least
5 times. But because of this feeling I get (that the Doctors call anxiety)
I
have been able to avoid death (unfortunately).
To make a very long story short, right now I will just tell you of one
major incident.
My best friend in San Francisco wanted me to visit him, I could not
afford
it but he was willing to pay for it. Because I am disabled I have nothing
but time. So when he asked when I could come there, I told him it didn't
matter, just set it up for any time.
He set me up on Flight 93 at about 9am on 9/11...
When he e-mailed me my itinerary, I started shaking. I was sick for
weeks. I was having what the doctors referred to as Anxiety attacks (but I
know better). The closer it got to my flight the worse I got. So I knew my
flight was going to crash.
I was so ill I was throwing up every day. Finally about a week before
the flight I called my friend and asked if he would change me to a later
flight. He did, he changed it to about 1pm on 9/11.
After which I felt much better, but I was still getting these fear
attacks. So I still knew something bad was going to happen. I made out my
will and wrote letters saying good by to my kids and family.
Just as my sisters were ready to take me to the Newark airport the twin
towers were hit. Then when I heard that Flight 93 went down, I lost it. I
was hysterical for days. I felt that some healthy person or a child or
someone who cared about their life Was in my seat. Or if I had been on
that
plane it would not have gone down.
These things have been happening to me ALL of my life. I hate it and I
have a lot of trouble dealing with it. It seems since my accident it has
gotten stronger. I guess it could also be because I have so much depressed
time on my hands.
So one night in February 02 I could not take any more. So much was built
up in my head. From the pain and guilt to nightmares and these so called
anxiety attacks. Knowing that everything is going to end, I was literally
scared to death. I know that my family and friends are going to die, and I
don't want to be here to see it.
I planed my suicide again, I had everything figured out, so I thought. I
almost made it.
But for some freaky reason my mom called my house because she felt
something was wrong, but she got no answer, So she called my sister who
came
to my apartment and found me.
My mom NEVER calls me at night.
Just another hour or so and I would have been gone.
I do not remember anything about being in the regular hospital,
although
I was there for almost 2 weeks. I was in a coma for 4 days. And again I
was
back in that DARKNESS. I went thru almost exactly what I went through the
first time I tried to kill myself. The only difference is that I don't
remember it as vividly. What I do remember is the voice saying that the
end
will start in 2006 and by 2012 nearly all life on Earth will be gone. The
MILITARY DRAFT will soon be reinstated. This I feel VERY, VERY Sure of.
Just writing this makes me want to die, as I am so sure I will live thru
the hell to come.
There is only one thing I remember when I was awake in the hospital.
And
I remember it VERY well. There was a guy that was in the bed next to me in
my room. He kept mumbling something. I turned on my side and leaned up on
my
elbow. I could see this guy in his bed just staring at the ceiling. He was
younger than me; I would say he was in his 30s. He had long hair, a beard
and a prominent nose. However he was not mumbling, he was praying. He
called
me by my name and told me I had to stop doing this because my help is
needed. He told me suicide is not a way out for me.
The next morning I told my family about the guy in the other bed and I
told them what he said. My family informed me I never had a roommate, I
was
in a private room. I could not believe this. It was just way to vivid in
my mind. I looked around the room and sure enough there was no other bed.
And there was no room for a second bed. That did not convince me. I
actually
had to call the Nurse and ask her. And she also told me that I was in a
private room, there was never another bed in my room.
Because I tried to take my own life the nurse had to sit next to my bed
the entire time I was in the hospital. I do not remember her at all. I do
not remember anything except this roommate.
Stranger yet, my niece saw him too. The same exact man and the same
exact
night I saw him. She saw him in a dream. She told her mother about it
before
I had told anyone.
What am I supposed to think of all this?
I am worse now (the start of 2006) than I have ever been. I am on all
kinds of drugs. Opiates for pain, and meds for depression, anxiety, to
keep
me from dreaming and sleeping pills.
With all these drugs I am having trouble remembering and I have trouble
concentrating on any one thing too long.
Although I am no longer having nightmares every night, I am still
having
them about once a week. These nightmares are always about DEATH. Mostly
from
Natural Disasters. I am also still having these so called anxiety attacks,
always before something bad happens.
I have been seeing a psych doctor about every 3 weeks since my last
suicide attempt. He truly believes that I do have some type of 6th sense.
I
have proved to him that when I have these attacks, some Natural Disaster
happens within a few days to a week. The stronger my attack, the worse the
disaster.
I can't stand it. And I still want to die. Now more than ever. And the
odd
thing is I don't know why I feel so eager to die. I know I will get so bad
that I will try suicide again. Although something inside me keeps saying
"wait till things get real bad". "Wait till I can witness the destruction
to
come". But I've already seen it and I don't want to live it.
Most of us just go on about our lives without much thought about what
is
going on in the rest of the world. Yes we hear in the news when something
bad happens (Like the floods, tsunamis, hurricanes, viruses and volcanic
eruptions) and then most of us just push it out of our minds and go on
with
our lives. What else can you do!
Over the past 20 years (since my first suicide attempt) I have taken
Bible study with 4 different religions. I was born and raised Roman
Catholic. When I was a kid I went to church and Sunday school every week.
And I made my Communion and confirmation like a good little Catholic. I
truly believed in God and Jesus.
After studying the Bible (something Catholics don't do. Instead we
study
catechisms) I have a lot of trouble believing in the Bible. Even after all
I
have been through. The Bible is just filled with too many unbelievable
stories and contradictions.
If God is so loving and perfect, how can he make something as imperfect
as Humans. If you are into religion, ask your elders about Dinosaurs. Not
only can they not give you an answer, they will get upset with you for
asking such a question. Dinosaurs are not mentioned in the Bible therefore
they never existed. According to the Bible, the Earth has only been here
for
about 6,000 years. Yet we know the Earth is billions of years old.
The truth about God or Jesus is according to which religion you follow.
As for myself, I don't know if there is a God. But if there is, I don't
believe he made man. I believe he made the Universe because everything
seems
so perfect. It's a little hard to believe that the miracle of all life and
everything else is just by chance. Things just go together way too
perfectly. It is more likely that God made Mother Nature and Mother Nature
made man and all earthly life.
As we know, the planet Earth has nearly wiped out everything and
started
all over again a number of times. And it is happening again NOW.
I believe in Mother Nature. And she has learned that Humans are a
VIRUS,
destroying all she has made. So she will wipe us out and start all over
again. Perhaps next time she will make something a bit more perfect.
Something that will enhance nature and not destroy it.
I don't know exactly why I am writing this, I just feel compelled. You
should know what is going on. As I'm sure our top Scientists already know.
Although there is really nothing you can do. Perhaps, if prepared, some
people might make it thru this.
You Decide....
I feel scared and at this moment suicidal again.
I don't know what to do.
Right now my life has reached one of it's lowest points and I feel I don't
care anymore.
I just don't know. I leave it for you to decide, it's your world. I am
just
trying to explain what I know, What I feel and what I have been going
through.
Good Luck To All.....Any response should be sent to
this
e-mail mtrb@[EMAIL PROTECTED]
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